As I crack under the pressure, call out to God, and let the sobs overtake me, I look back at all I’ve been through. Through my tears, I look at my children and remember every injustice, every obstacle, and every tear they’ve shed in the making of this breakdown. And I think, when is it going to end? When will I get a break? Am I going to be here forever? Is this even worth it? Then the most terrifying thought fills my soul: Am I even worthy of anything more?
Then it hits me. The reasons why I gave up my old life cover me like a blanket. I wanted more. I craved freedom, abundance, and life-sustaining purpose. The desire to be free was valiant, but I failed to count the costs. In my jump for independence, I gained WINGS.
- The Wisdom to plan
- the Image of who I am
- the Name of my purpose
- the Grace in divine appointment
- and the Strength to move forward despite the circumstances
The comfort, the stability, the consistency, and the perceived peace of my old life were stripped. The instability, the uncertainty, and the accompanying powerlessness have been overwhelming. In the pursuit of purpose and prosperity, the pain and brokenness has brought me to my knees.
It is as if the very forces of nature are asking me: How much do you want this? How bad do you want freedom? How much are you willing to give?
After the Breakdown
Yes, I made a few mistakes. Of course I lost some friendships. And without a doubt, I have been changed. In this, God has his glory and the tears serve their purpose. Arising from the most impossible situations and tremendous pressure, the diamonds are formed. Barriers are broken, the broken are made new, and the world sees what it really means to be unstoppable.